Do Not Disturb
by Rhino7
Summary: All Kaibas are terrible patients.


**Do Not Disturb**

**By Rhino7**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, its characters or storyline. This oneshot is mine, as are the maids Tessa and Lisa. Just another ficlet with more Kaiba bros stuff. Some fluffy snuck in there, not sure how that happened, but this was written mostly for purposes of humor…Anyway, enjoy.**

**..:-X-:..**

"That's it! Consider this my notice of resignation! Babysitting devilspawn was NOT in my job description!"

The bedroom door swung open and the maid bustled out, looking rumpled and almost in tears. A more seasoned maid, more accustomed to 'how things were' in the Kaiba Mansion, just watched her colleague with lips pursed to stifle a smirk.

"It's not funny, Tessa. Don't look at me like that!" The younger maid barked, marching past her. "I don't know how you haven't just burned this whole place down already!"

Tessa looked at her flatly, "What could he have possibly done this time?"

"Oh…Oh, I'll TELL you." The twenty-three year old glared. "That little…He thinks he's so…ugh, I hate kids!"

"Not exactly a kid anymore…"

"Well, he can't legally drive yet, so I count that as a kid! Giving me orders—"

"Technically—"

"—of all the nerve—"

"Weren't you begging Mr. Kaiba for this job?" Tessa quirked an eyebrow.

"Yeah, to work for HIM. Not for that…that…"

Tessa glanced past her at the still-open door. "Teenager? Please, Lisa, you're barely off training wheels yourself."

"Oh…You're not my mother."

"But I'm old enough to be." Tessa put her hands on her hips. "Look, this job isn't for everybody."

"Damn straight." Lisa fumed.

"I mean, working diligently and without complaint under someone as demanding as Gozaburo Kaiba…A lot of people can't quite…cut it."

Tessa smirked as her word choice made Lisa glare.

"I can 'cut it'." She seethed.

"You just referred to a bedridden 14 year old as 'devilspawn'." Tessa teased.

"That—" Lisa pointed at the door. "Is not a normal 14 year old." She turned and started marching down the hall toward the stairs to make her dramatic exit. "I swear…if it wasn't for Mokuba…we'd all be jumping out the window."

Tessa watched her go, both amused and aggravated.

Amused, because every pair of breasts that could push a mop thought she could handle being a maid for the Kaiba family.

Aggravated because Lisa was the third person since young Seto's surgery to up and quit.

Then again, it was almost solid fact that all Kaibas were terrible patients.

Tessa sighed and finished her cleaning in the hallway before going to investigate the situation that had caused Lisa—who had interviewed well and always behaved professionally—to turn into a foul-mouthed banshee.

Seto had that effect on people sometimes.

Several years after this particular incident, Tessa would come to chuckle at that remark and find that it still held true.

She knocked twice before entering without waiting for a response.

"Devilspawn is a new one." She remarked, a lopsided smirk creased the wrinkles on her middle aged face. "Although it doesn't quite beat the 'self righteous toddler' that Molly threw out before she left."

The room was empty—if you didn't have to be there, you WEREN'T there—save for the subject in question, curled up on the bed with his back to her…as though that alone would defer her. Surely he didn't think she was such a simpleton that she would fall for the 'already asleep' trick, after Lisa wore her lungs out just outside his room?

But she let him have that for a while, cleaning up the room and performing her obligatory maid duties. Lisa had actually been in the nursing program, hence why she was assigned to keep an eye on the boy while he was recovering.

If there was one thing that she had learned in her eight years serving the Kaiba family, it was that, sometimes, they were idiots. On the whole, they were all brilliant. KaibaCorp, this mansion, the fame, and the small armada of classic cars all attested to that. Gozaburo Kaiba knew business and he knew it well. Mrs. Kaiba had been an heiress before marrying in, and she had managed nearly half a dozen large scale, international charity organizations. Aside from her husband's less-than-enthusiastic attitude about that, she was good at it.

In fact, Patricia Kaiba—Fletcher now, she took her maiden name back after the divorce—had directly funded the orphanage where Gozaburo adopted Seto and Mokuba. That had been years before the two boys had even been at that orphanage, of course, but still an ironic point worth noting.

Noa Kaiba—God rest that child's soul—had been a very intelligent boy as well. If it hadn't been for his tragic accident, he would most likely already have the equivalent of a high school diploma, even if this was more an attempt to get his father's attention than to actually get ahead in his studies.

And even though Seto had only worn the Kaiba name for just a few years now, he was falling right in line. The kid was just naturally smart—smarter than Noa if Tessa thought admitting that wouldn't endanger her job—and had the kind of drive that Tessa had never really seen in Noa. The desire to succeed wasn't an attention objective for Seto, it was survival.

And the fact that a 14 year old had to concern himself with survival pulled at Tessa's heart strings.

The humidifier hummed from its position and she stepped over the power cord, picking up a few abandoned books from the floor and closing them. She carefully set the texts on the desk, making sure none of the pages were folded or creased.

No, what made the Kaibas generally behave like idiots was the misconception that being less than 100 percent at all times was a shortcoming. Gozaburo had shrugged off attempts on his life by disgruntled employees and human rights' activists—some partially successful. Patricia had had a very difficult pregnancy with Noa and had nearly died giving birth to him. The doctors advised against her having more children, with the statement standing that if she did, she might not survive to see Noa grow up.

Which she didn't anyway, but for reasons outside mankind's control.

And that same bullheadedness had been literally and physically forced onto Gozaburo's elder adopted son…which was probably why he was in such a pathetic state to begin with.

The clock on the wall ticked away loudly, half past four in the afternoon.

"I had my tonsils taken out when I was in college." She remarked, unprompted, trying to offer some commiseration. "I know how much it sucks."

That generated no response; not that she had really expected any.

"Water might help." She offered anyway.

Again, no response. Again, she continued…because busting Seto's chops had become an amusing pastime for her. Less so after bright young eyes went dark with business equations, exhaustion, and stress tension…but still enough.

"Ice cream is a perk. Never too old for ice cream."

"…Go…away…" was the grunted reply.

Tessa smirked, only because his back was turned toward her. It had been three days since he had been brought home from the hospital after the tonsillectomy. In all honesty, he should have stayed there longer. He had had a mild reaction to whatever medication they had given him. But Gozaburo hadn't wanted that kind of publicity so soon after adopting the two boys. The media was still buzzing with news of the adoption. Hospitalization wasn't exactly the best follow-up to that. Gozaburo was still hoping to ride the wave of supposed-charity, young Seto's natural brilliance, and putting to rest all of those pesky human emotions like grief and sorrow over Noa's untimely end.

"Feeling any better?" She asked.

She was never this cavalier with Mr. Kaiba. Gozaburo, and to a lesser extent Patricia, had demanded only formal, professional, and strictly polite manners out of his servants…and only when they were asked to speak. But previously with Noa, and now with Seto and Mokuba, she simply couldn't bring herself to do it. They were children, for goodness' sake. And with a father like Gozaburo, children needed to have at least one adult to horse around with…even if she was just the maid. Or in Seto's case, someone to let his guard down around.

Not that that had happened yet, but she was hopeful.

"I should fire you." He wheezed, still not looking at her.

She tutted, "On what grounds?"

"Being…obnoxious."

Since Seto wasn't in a condition to study or take lessons, Gozaburo had 'graciously' allowed Mokuba to spend good portions of the last three days in here with his brother. The younger boy had been practically crawling the walls when Seto got sick, and barely being allowed to visit him at the hospital had been cruel, in Tessa's opinion.

"At least I can legally drive." She smarted off gently.

A beat passed.

"…You're fired." The teenager hissed.

Tessa chuckled, "Nice try, but I'm tenured."

"You're a MAID." He half glanced at her.

That half-glance was enough to know that she was going to win this game. Honestly, if any of her children had ever been this difficult at his age, they would have gotten a smart bottom out of it. But this was her boss's son…though, considering how she had personally witnessed Gozaburo treating the boy, maybe Seto had earned the surliness.

"Yeah, but I put up with you, don't I?" She winked.

That earned a roll of the eyes.

"And what did poor Lisa do to deserve…whatever you did this time?" She prompted.

"S'not my fault she's a moron." Seto mumbled, burrowing deeper under the blankets.

Tessa clucked her tongue and looked through the medication on the bedside table that Lisa had been in charge of. The doctor's note was on the desk, and she started reading it and the labels on the bottles.

"Tried to make you take medicine, eh?" She offered.

"She was a—"

"Medication time." Tessa cut him off, opening the medicine.

"No." He turned away from her again.

"I'm sorry…" Tessa put her hands on her hips. "Did I start that sentence with 'if it pleases Your Highness'?"

Her tone must have carried just the right amount of maternal threat, because he threw one scowl at her as he rolled over.

"You're still fired." He grumbled, watching her measure out the liquid.

"And you're still 14."

"When I'm the boss, you'll be the first to go."

"And I will happily leave." She dismissed the little threat, handing him the cup.

He glared at her as he took it and she held the glare. Thirty-eight year old woman and 14 year old boy. She smiled and he gruffly handed the cup back, slumping back in bed again. Straightening again, she read more of the doctor's notes.

It detailed when the dressing on the throat should be changed, and with Lisa summarily gone, Tessa supposed that would fall on herself in a few hours.

The teenager abruptly sneezed and a groan rolled out before he could stop it. Tessa grimaced, all too quickly remembering how every movement had jarred her throat after the operation. She wordlessly filled a glass with water from the pitcher and offered it.

Seto started to scowl, but abruptly dropped his eyes and almost submissively took the glass. He swallowed it without complaint and Tessa pretended to mess with some loose papers so he could wince and let some of that discomfort show. He handed the cup back to her sheepishly and looked away from her.

She inwardly sighed. Honestly, 14 year olds should not have to worry about how their physical pain may be interpreted. But by the apologetic look that snuck through between glares, this snarkiness was just the pain talking.

Between the grueling study sessions and accelerated education program, not to mention the absolutely cruel separation from his younger brother, Tessa was surprised that the occasional glare and obvious exhaustion were the only responses from the boy.

Well, you know what they say about the quiet ones…

"Anything else you need?" She asked, having cleaned up the rest of the room.

His eyes didn't lift from the corner of the bedside table. "No."

The eyelids were beginning to win the war again, and Tessa bobbed her head.

"All right, well, I'll just—"

He was already out.

He still looked uncomfortable, but she found it much easier to feel for him when he couldn't glare or throw snarky remarks at her.

Smiling to herself, Tessa quietly made her exit and started to close the door after herself. Even if he had just gotten his voice back and the allergic reaction had caused a mild fever and general discomfort, three days of rest would do the kid good.

"Hello."

She turned to see little Mokuba crossing over to her timidly down the hallway.

"Hi there, sweetie." She greeted.

He fidgeted as he stood in front of her, with all the vibrant expressiveness and childlike manner that his older brother refused to show. "Can I see Seto?"

The fact that he felt compelled to ask permission to see his own brother made her inwardly flinch.

"Of course." She tugged the door open slightly. "He just fell asleep though."

"That's okay." Mokuba hopped past her. "Dad said that since Seto can't study while he's recovering, that he might as well spend that time with me." He beamed.

Tessa hid a grimace. Gozaburo WOULD see recovering from surgery as wasted time.

Mokuba continued to hop until he reached the bed where his brother was curled up. Tessa closed the door after deciding to remain. Considering how rare the two got to just be together and be children, she could spend that time making sure they weren't interrupted by any of the house servants or particularly that creepy little Hobson. When Gozaburo handed the company to Seto—and he would be a fool not to turn the company to someone as iron willed and brilliant as Seto—she hoped that Seto would fire Hobson first. She shuddered.

"Is this my fault?" Mokuba asked.

Of all the ridiculous things to ask…

"No." Tessa blinked. "Why would you say that?"

"I had a cold last week and that's when Seto started getting sick." The little boy looked at her with big, innocent eyes. "Does that mean—"

"No, no, no, honey." She squatted down slightly to his level. "This wasn't your fault at all. And your brother is going to be fine. He just had something wrong with his throat. The doctor fixed it and soon Seto will be up and at 'em before you know it."

Mokuba didn't look entirely convinced, but pacified nonetheless. He looked at Seto, who had rolled onto his side in his sleep and was facing them now, eyes shut and hair all over the place, and then back at Tessa.

"Promise?" He fidgeted again.

It occurred to the maid that maintaining that 100 percent façade extended beyond Gozaburo and the outside world for Seto. It also included being the eternally untouchable older brother to Mokuba. And while the older boy didn't look necessarily ill at that moment, he certainly didn't look 100 percent.

She held up a hand, "I pinky swear."

Mokuba gave a cheeky grin at that, locking his pinky around hers. "Pinky swear."

Seto stirred, and immediately Tessa became invisible to Mokuba.

"Big brother?" He murmured, tone torn between not wanting to wake Seto up and hoping he was awake already.

And because Seto could deny Mokuba nothing, bleary blue eyes blinked open again.

"Mokuba?"

"Are you awake?" The little boy prompted.

Seto rubbed his eyes with one hand, "Something like that." He shifted onto his back again, "Is everything okay?"

Mokuba took that as an invitation to climb up onto the bed and make himself comfortable. He didn't take up much room, and seeing the two together brought to light how tall Seto had gotten. He had hit a crazy growth spurt a few months ago, and he didn't appear to be stopping anytime soon.

Gozaburo was a tall man, but Seto was gaining on him fast. Tessa had noticed how Mr. Kaiba liked to flaunt his stature, quite literally 'looming' over his inferiors and colleagues. Even though that had no control over Seto's height, she was sure Gozaburo had noticed and was pleased with the fact that his heir-to-be would also be able to loom over people. Though, the growth spurt had hit so fast that the rest of his body hadn't been able to keep up, giving him a slightly emaciated look. Until the rest of him caught up, the intimidation factor would suffer.

The two brothers were engrossed in their own conversation now: Mokuba regaling his day and his classes and everything, with Seto's occasional input. Feeling intrusive, Tessa finished her work and made a quiet retreat from the room.

Seto was in good hands now.

**..:-X-:..**

Several years after that interesting week, Tessa put away her cleaning supplies for the day and donned her jacket, preparing to leave the Kaiba Mansion for the night. She had been putting in extra hours wherever she could recently, given that in a few weeks, her first grandchild would be here and she would need her vacation time to help her son and her daughter-in-law. Luckily, 'the boss' had been pretty flexible about that. Particularly since her overtime fell during the same week that Mokuba had had his wisdom teeth removed.

She was just picking up her keys and clocking out when Seto—pardon…Mr. Kaiba—arrived home after one of countless long days at the office. He looked as worn out as she felt, but when she went home, it was to sleep, not continue to work from a home office.

Sometimes she just didn't understand the young man.

Well…actually, she quite often didn't understand him.

Her only reasoning for some of his actions was that he was so tall now that the air was too thin up there and his brain wasn't getting enough oxygen.

"Good evening." She greeted anyway.

He started the customary grunt of acknowledgement, but then looked at her. "Is he still having trouble sleeping?"

"A little," She canted her head as she adjusted the sleeves on her coat. "Just uncomfortable though, no pain. I remember getting my wisdom teeth removed—"

"That explains a lot." He muttered, starting to walk away from her.

She prattled on anyway. "I dropped a sedative in his tea though, and—" She snapped her fingers, "—Out like a light."

He paused and glared at her. "You drugged him?"

"Now, don't throw a hissy. I did the same thing to you." She waved him off.

His eyes narrowed, "You what?"

"Three days after that tonsillectomy with only enough hours of sleep to count on one hand?" She countered him. "This house let go four maids that week. One pressed charges."

"You drugged me back then?"

"You were a menace." She argued.

They exchanged glares: CEO of KaibaCorp and middle aged maid. Though this time her neck had to bend a lot farther back to keep eye contact.

"Why haven't I fired you yet?"

"Tenured."

"You're still a maid."

"And you're still a teenager."

"…You're fired."

Tessa sighed, buttoning up her coat. "Yes, sir…See you Monday."

"I mean it this time." He reinforced as she walked toward the employee exit.

"Yes, sir." She replied nonchalantly, continuing to walk away.

"Look at me when I'm firing you."

Tessa paused, swiveled slightly on one foot, and glanced over at her boss, twice her height and less than half her age. "You know I still have pictures from the Great Broken Arm Incident three years ago."

His eyes narrowed further. "You're trying to blackmail me now?"

"The Five Days of Work, Five Hours of Sleep Massacre last year." She added.

"I will have you blacklisted."

"The Seto Kaiba Versus Door incident with the black eye, last March."

"You'll never work in this town again."

"Chicken pox."

He straightened and she smirked.

"You wouldn't dare." He seethed.

She raised an eyebrow, "Wouldn't I?"

A beat passed.

"Whatever." He jilted her, turning away to head upstairs.

It was late and finding another maid of her caliber would be too much work, she reasoned. Besides, she knew the ropes and knew how to keep those less-amusing Kaiba family secrets.

"See you Monday." She chirped.

…because it was still her job to bust his chops.

He grunted—or cursed—after her.

As she walked outside and got her car started, Tessa shook her head.

All Kaibas were terrible patients.

**..:-X-:..**

**A/N:** Everything about Gozaburo's ex-wife was completely fictionalized by me. This is mostly because she was so blatantly ignored during the Noa arc of the anime.

Constructive feedback is always welcome!


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